If a Nerd Removes Her Glasses

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I see my reflection in the mirror.

Without eyelids, but big and clear eyes.
The pupils are pretty dark, the rest is white so.. they seem like cat eyes.

The cheeks are a pink shade because it seems like I'm always blushing.

Taking care of myself.. I never really did but I want to try it sometime....
Long hair with a soft feeling, down to the waist, can also be seen.

But all these are hidden.

A pair of black glasses with ridiculously thick rims cover my cat eyes,

The pink shaded cheeks which stand out even more with white skin..

are covered by fake freckles drawn with brown pencil-eyeliner.

Flowing black hair which any guy falls for

is always tied so it is impossible to tell if the hair is pretty or not.

This hiding and covering business started since 7 years ago.

I had a sister who was 1 year older, but she died of a car accident 8 years ago because of me.

The thought I don't want to remember comes up in my head again.

Her last, warm look...

My parents' tears, who expected more out of my sister than me.

I was a small 10-year-old who felt only mad than sad that my sister wouldn't play with me anymore.

Now that my sister has died.. Until now I've come to live as a replacement of my sister to my parents.

For almost 7 years I've hidden my true self, pretending to be my sister.

My current fake look which is impersonating my sister.....

Good at studying, likes studying, quiet, kind but ugly.

But my real self which I am hiding...

Don't prefer studying, light-headed, violent girl, and a pretty face but dirty personality.

I'm always tired of these two looks.

I try to live in my sister's look with my parents or at school..

I desperately try to hide or cover my look when it is about to show..

The people around me know only my fake existence.

These days, there are many times when I even forget how I really am.

I might even have to forget my real look, permanently.

I can't breathe.

I want to run away.

This reality is so suffocating I think I might go insane.

I just hope.

If someone will find my real self...

But.. does that person even exist?

If the person does exist, when will he come to me?

When I am in a different look, how will he find me?

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If A Nerd Removes Her Glasses

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